I dedicate this to Roxanne Hillier and all the staff at the RVI eye clinic and ward 20, who were so very helpful and attentive earlier this year when my husband suffered a retinal detachment. Thank you to all you wonderful 'eye people' out there in cyberspace.
The Eye Specialist
The sign simply says: “Eye Specialist.” Inside the décor is all eyes. The staff are very attentive.
“Please, take a seat,” said the waiter eyeing us.
We sat on giant, squidgy eyeballs, at a round table decorated with holographic eyes.
“Someone will attend you in a moment. Please read the presentations.”
I chose A la Carte. Immediately a holographic eye blinked on and a presentation appeared.
“This place is amazing,” I said.
“May I get you something to drink?”
“Water would be lovely,” said my companion.
“Aqueous humor for the lady—and would you like eyes with that?”
“Please.”
“And for you, sir?”
“Let me see…”
“I can recommend l’Oeil du Chat-eau Noir.”
“Thank you; I’ll have that, then.” As I said—very helpful.
The drinks came. Aqueous humor, a generous serving, freshly extracted—none of your reconstituted rubbish—and clinking with lots of little fish eyes-cubes. L’Oeil du Chat was from an optic, complete with a real cat’s eye cocktail stirrer. Very promising.
For Glimpsers, I had the Lachrymal Soup which was salty, as one expects, but not overly so, not contaminated by snot as in some outlets and it did not make me sad—as tear soup can sometimes do, especially when the tears are extracted cruelly. My partner went for Spider Eyes on Convex Blini-lenses which she declared to be were a perfect soft accompaniment for such crunchy, compound eyes.
As Main View, I had the Eyeball and Optic Ganglia Pasta which comprised brown, blue and green eyes in a light sauce with a garnish of bright orange fish eyes—a most attractive if not adventurous choice, pleasing to any palate. The optic nerve itself had been removed so there were no chewy bits. My partner went for the ‘whites only’ option of Poached Sclera and I have to say that these were beautifully presented and completely free from iris coloration. They came in a transparent bowl and were served in a clear jelly of vitreous humor. I tried one and they were very tender.
On the Periphery, there was a choice of various eyes-creams and scleric soufflés. But for myself, I chose the Cataract Cake with Corneal Frosting and Baby Eyes and my partner tried a conjunctiva jelly called “Pink-eye,” perhaps the only disappointment of an otherweyes excellent evening.
Now this place doesn’t come cheap, but the holographic menu includes many delicaceyes and we were assured that all eyes are ethically resourced from renewable suppleyes, i.e., no undue cruelty is practised and all eyes that are extracted from any animal, including humans, are replaced and re-grown in situ using the most advanced stem cell technology. This prolongs the life of the donor speceyes, allowing sustainable suppleyes for years to come.
A fine and far sighted example of responsible animal husbandreye -- in my view.
There is a non-ocular alternative available, of course, but this is The Eye Specialist after all and though I am as keen on animal welfare as the next person—it’s not as if these earth animals are in any way like us. It’s not as if they’re Oculatarians!
Copyright: © 2013 Oonah V Joslin
